The Buzzfeed Quiz

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In life, there are two kinds of quizzes. The first is dreaded - the quiz people more often than not find themselves unprepared for - silent curses directed at the quiz-giver, usually a middle school teacher. Meh. Those teachers are thick-skinned and aren't affected by anyone's hateful stare, least of all an awkward, oily teen.

The other kind of quiz is far more fun. Nothing is on the line - no wrong answers. These are the surveys that purport to reveal something about the quiz-taker that was previously unknown (as if).

The website Buzzfeed (click here) is the current queen of quizzes. With an easy share link to Facebook, people have posted their answers to quizzes ranging from What State Do you Actually Belong In (New York), What Dinosaur Are You (the steadfast Triceratops), Which David Bowie Are You (Space Oddity), What Kind of Girl Scout Cookie Are You (thin mint - duh), and Which Prime Number Are You (349 - huh?). Any many more.

Each quiz contains 5-10 "questions" of the this-or-that and multiple-choice variety; no one question seeming to have any connection to the next. Nonetheless, when a result pops up the quiz-taker is either pleased, puzzled or completely perplexed (take the Which Sex Toy Are You quiz, I dare you).

Naturally, I have a few other quiz suggestions I would like to submit to Buzzfeed. If you're like me and live above the 40˚ north line of latitude, you are sadly aware that winter might go well into April. Thoughts have already turned desperate and dark, even delirious. These quiz ideas reflect that mood:

1. Which Serial Killer Are You? I repeat, it's already been a long, long winter - but thankfully my freezer is still empty. . . for now. I'm hoping I would be Dexter (fictional, I realize) but with such a lousy series ending, I'll take whatever I'm given.

2. Which Cheap Beer Are You? Blatz, Schaefer, PBR (hey Hipsters, it was lousy when I was 15 - nothing's changed), Milwaukee's Best, Red White & Blue - each a reflection of where you grew up and what kind of underage party you attended (field, shack, house, all of the above). Old Mil for this old-timer.

3. Which Madonna Song Did You Secretly Love as a Kid? While we rocked out to Judas Priest, Van Halen and Def Leppard (before they went pop-rock), I'm sure my buddies were like me and enjoyed at least one of the Material Girl's tunes. Am I right, guys? Hello? Anyone? Buehler? Fine, I'm man enough to admit mine was Borderline. 

4. How Would You Kill Kim Kardashian in a Zombie Apocalypse? Dead of winter, remember. Apparently, AMC's The Walking Dead has gotten under my skin. If the quiz result has me taking out the zombified-Kim any other way than with a samurai sword I will immediately demand a re-take.

5. Which Position Were You Conceived In? Grossed you out, didn't I? That serial killer quiz isn't looking so bad now, is it? And you were getting all Judgey Judgerson on me before. Oh crap, I just grossed myself out too. Get. Out. Of. My. Head!

6. Which Method of Torture Would You Crack Under First? - Yikes, this IS getting dark, even for me. Winter. Definitely, winter. As a form of torture, of course.

7. Which Supervillian Are You? - Admit it, being bad is good sometimes. A little mayhem among friends? Magneto, Loki, The Joker. Bad dudes. Hey, it's just for fun. Why so serious?

8. How Would You Have Reacted to Stepping Foot on the Moon if You Had Been Neil Armstrong? - Answer choices would range from awe-struck to exhilarated to terrified. And then there would be my answer - a sci-fi lover from way back, I dreamt a few years ago that I stepped down off the lunar lander, glanced back at my far-distant blue home and completely lost my shit. No, I mean literally. Disappointing.

9. Which Meat Would You Give Up Eating Last? - This quiz is only for the carnivores. Winnowing questions would include preferred sauces, dark or white, boneless or bone in. And no, vegan meat is not a possible answer. Savages!

10. Which Emotion Can You Live Without? - You didn't think you could sneak through a blogpost of mine without any real self-examination, did you? Don't worry, I'm skipping this question too.

I could have easily kept going but 10 quizzes is plenty. For fun, share this post with others and see what kind of answers they come up with (albeit, without the leading questions). And don't forget to share your answers too :)

Comments

  1. JimmyJusticeFebruary 17, 2014 at 10:12 AM

    Madonna? Really?
    Had you asked about Michael Jackson, I might have admitted that knowing the words to "Bad" actually made me think I was "tough". But since you did not mention MJ, I deny admitting to anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eric BergmanFebruary 17, 2014 at 11:51 AM

      Come on Jimmy - there was no shame in being an MJ fan back in the day - but any love of a Madonna tune had to be kept secret! Like a Virgin, Material Girl, Holiday? I recall you humming a few of those songs back on Columbia Avenue :)

      Delete
  2. JimmyJusticeFebruary 17, 2014 at 3:36 PM

    I'll take the 5th.

    ReplyDelete

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