The Cheap Seats

Most of life is spent fulfilling all of our continuous Have To Do's. Have to go to school, have to work, have to pay bills, have to grocery shop, have to clean, have to fix, have to maintain. And on and on and on. Providing for ourselves and others is truly what the Hokey Pokey is all about - almost. Filling in the gaps between all of our  Have To Do's is the occasional "Bucket List" item. A great term, Bucket List, not coined but popularized by the movie of the same name starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Coincidentally, Morgan Freeman has been called The Voice of God (having played The Big Guy onscreen at least twice), whereas Nicholson is famous for his devilish grin, portraying a scheming and horny Satan in The Witches of Eastwick way back in 1987. But I digress. I wholeheartedly endorse the idea of making Bucket Lists. We need to create these Want To Do wish lists and work towards experiencing them. If not, then life is nothing more than a 

Last Friday a short-lived but violent thunderstorm passed through the Twin Cities between 8:00 and 8:30pm. I was driving home from umping a softball game when the worst of it hit. For about two miles I drove the back roads from memory. Rain was falling so heavily that my view was more akin to a winter than a summer storm - pale concrete being the only marker to indicate that I was moving in the right direction. Inside my aging Chevy Prizm the storm seemed severe but harmless. With a mile to go, however, I began noticing how the treetops were swirling ominously. Thoughts of being lifted upward, Dorothy-like , entered my mind. With visibility almost nil, I groped my way home. Coincidentally (?), the exact instant I clicked my garage door opener the lights in large parts of Columbia Heights, New Brighton and Fridley went dark. Being a more or less rational person, I knew my harmless click had not set into motion a chain reaction that had instantaneously knocked out electricity to

With apologies to - and inspiration from - Dr. Suess' Gertrude McFuzz There once was a man named Bergy McBuzz, and he had the smallest dumb cellphone ever was. One flippy flip phone - that's all that he had. And oh! That one dumbphone made Bergy so mad! For there were Countless Others he knew, who had smartphones that could DO the most remarkable, spectacular DO's! Poor Bergy! Whenever he happened to spy people with their smartphones passing casually by, he got very jealous. He frowned and he pouted. Then one day he got awfully mad and he shouted: "This just isn't fair! Mine is dumb! Theirs are wise! I MUST have a phone just like everyone buys!" So he went to the web to see Verizon and Sprint, sites loaded with choices that cost a small mint. And IM'ed with customer service representatives who spelled out offers as soothing as sedatives. "Tut, tut!" said an inner voice. "Such phones! How abs

In 2010 my kids and I took a summer road trip to South Dakota. Over the course of six days we saw all of the familiar sites - the Corn Palace, Crazy Horse, Mt. Rushmore, Wall Drug, et cetera - and took advantage of all of the familiar photo opportunities. One picture, however, went untaken. My Sony Cyber-shot just couldn't do the image justice. We spent the second night of the trip camping in the heart of the Badlands - probably the most stunning piece of land in all of South Dakota. Now I'm not much of a camper. Somehow, all I ever manage to pack is cold wieners and Old Dutch potato chips. Fortunately, my son is an Eagle Scout and has easily overcome my camping shortcomings. So, thankfully, the cooking duties fell to him. After a full day of sight-seeing and a full belly in the Badlands, we turned in with the nightfall, eager to push on to Mount Rushmore in the morning. As luck (or an enlarged prostate) would have it, I had to relieve myself at 2:30am that night. I w

At one time or another in our adult lives we are all single. While this status may be optional, other people have single-hood thrust upon them. In our 20's it's often a choice, but we usually have roommates to fill the silence and share the rent. After pairing off occurs, divorce occasionally follows and single-hood returns. This time, however, whether we are in our 30's or 40's, it is sans roommates. While I don't believe humans are meant to be alone, I have discovered that living single does have distinct advantages. I have lived alone a couple of different times in adulthood. The first stretch lasted four years (34-37), a difficult time in life when all efforts were gladly centered on creating a welcoming home for my two young children. Take Two began over four and a half years ago, with wound-licking and too much self-reflection. Regardless, life immediately improved and the perks of living single began to reveal themselves. Perk 1 : I almost never m