'Twas the Day of the Super Bowl

Twas the day of the Super Bowl, when all through the place,

Everyone was scurrying, at a crazy nuts pace!

All the banners were hung in the TV room just right,

Each one the perfect color, each one the precise height.

 

Extra chairs were brought in by the children quite warily,

After orders from Dad (still sober), but just barely.

He had started rather early - and by kickoff, who knows?

If history is any judge . . .well . . . anything goes.

But for now he is composed and under control,

And hasn't pissed off Mom (talk about digging a hole!).

She is in the kitchen cooking, which to her is just fine,

Immersed in sauces and wings, and a box of red wine.

But the stain on the breast of her new 49ers gear,

Has got her fit to be tied, and a pain in his rear.

"I told you to change after you were all done a slavin',"

Yelled Dad, who fancied himself a Baltimore Raven.

A long day ahead," thought sister and brother,

Of avoiding dear old Dad and humoring poor Mother.

But the house would be full - the big screen aglow,

With Kapernicks and Harbaughs and a Flacco named Joe.

"Come in Brian, come in Stu, come in Jason and Scott!

Grab a beer, make a drink, watch out - those wings are too hot!

The game is in an hour we've got no time to dawdle.

Wow, look at Erin Andrews! She's just like a supermodel!"

As disgusted brides confronting the crude pig's remark,

Their eyes were like daggers, their moods swiftly dark.

Off to the family room the boys quickly fled.

"Let's make the most of this men - cause later we're dead."

So pre-game it they did, with ESPN on the tube,

Sharing their old glory days, and getting quite lubed.

And the ladies were thrilled to have their own space for numbing,

To swap bawdy, bold tales of their hubbies' "shortcomings".

Finally - as game time drew near - Dad yelled out, "Hey!"

"Honey, are you sure the halftime singer is really Beyonce?"

"Yes, for the millionth time!" Mom hissed with no regret or compunction.

"Boys," Dad quipped, "fingers crossed for another wardrobe malfunction."

"Oh knock it off, you juvenile swine,

Food's ready, help yourself, c'mon - GET IN LINE!"

So ten adults and eight children all heaped their plates high,

And proceeded to gnaw, munch and guzzle - as time went by.

 

The stump of a cigar Dad clenched in his fist,

But one look from Mom and he soon got the gist.

"For a Ravens win later," he said, "quick and painless."

"Doubtful," Mom retorted, her Niners jersey now stainless.

So sides were chosen as the coin flip began,

Falling along gender lines, woman and man.

Seating arrangements changed too - guys left, gals right,

Just as the opening kick was about to start the big night.

The ball carried far and deep as everyone leaned close in,

Anticipating a great game or at least a big win.

Then the screen went blank, the picture cold, still and black.

"What the hell," yelled Dad, "how can the TV be outta whack!"

 

Just then Mom sprang from her seat and grabbed yesterday's mail,

While all Dad could do was grow increasingly pale.

"Here's the problem," Mom muttered with a snort and a scoff.

"No payment - no cable. They just shut us off."

All the guests grabbed their coats, their mittens, their caps,
Muttering lame, weak, shitty - and "what a bunch of crap".
Dad wailed "Nooooooo", but then finally took a knee,
"Fine, who needs you, that just means more beer for me." 

 

ENJOY THE SUPER BOWL EVERYONE!