Acceptance and Rejection

Aging can be a competition between contrasts. On one hand, we should get better at everything we do, both positive and negative. This improvement doesn't even have to be the result of focused attention. Simple repetition (and lots of it) should do the trick, right?

But on the other hand, the passage of time can also have a sobering effect. We all had large ideas of what was going to be in store for us. Most of these included a certain level of naivety (I wanted to be the POTUS. No kidding, the POTUS - google it). In our defense, we weren't 25 yet so a fully mature brain was not something we could claim ownership of - so for better or worse we were dreaming big.

Eventually though, some semblance of realism set in before we began the hard work of adulthood. But then our 20's and 30's faded into the rearview mirror and we were just beginning to become acquainted with ourselves. Answers to vexing questions like, Why do I keep making the same mistakes? or Why can't I quit (fill in the _____ here)? came and went and came back again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Ironically, that person we thought we knew best back in our early 20's was the same person we had only a passing familiarity with at the time. All hormonal, mostly engaging our reptilian brains, only the sky - we thought (and not ourselves, heavens no) - seemed to limit us. I distinctly remember thinking my life would be set around 25 years old. I assumed by then I would have the perfect job and complimentary life - the rest would be cocktails and dreams. Thinking back, such clueless idealism cracks me up every time.  

But we all have to cross that threshold - the threshold between what we thought life was going to be like and what life is really about: a competing struggle between Acceptance and Rejection.

1. An acceptance that bad things happen.

2. An acceptance that anything worth having requires work, and lots of it.

3. An acceptance that people will hurt us.

4. An acceptance that we will hurt people.

5. An acceptance that we will lose loved ones and loved ones will lose us.

Sounds like life is one big bummer doesn't it? Hardly. Acceptance has a flipside, a duality - a fierceness for life that comes after acceptance: Rejection.

1. Reject the belief that our best years are behind us.

2. Reject the notion that we can't get better, be better.

3. Reject the idea that we won't love again.

4. Reject the doubt that we aren't as creative as we used to be.

5. Reject the perception that we are no longer improving.

6. Reject the conclusion that life is a struggle - accept that life is a privilege.

What the hell, Bergy? Have you been popping happy pills or what?

That is a very good question. The short answer is no. Still as curmudgeonly as ever. But now I accept that it is just one of the many masks I wear - like we all do. Different parts of who we are assert themselves at different times - helping us survive, cope, endure, enjoy, love.

One of my favorite authors is the Minnesota-born writer and humorist, Garrison Keillor. He observed that we should try to be more cheerful as we descend on middle-age. Being sullen and moody, he remarked, was a mask fit only for young people. Consistently wearing a dark and dour visage as we cross the halfway point only gives off the impression of constipation, not cool complexity.

So raise a glass to Acceptance, Rejection and Regularity - for all of us.