Getting Out of Our Own Way

Now more than any other time in history, we live in our own heads. What does this mean? Well, at least in America we no longer labor for a living. Those jobs are gone and gone for good. We now serve, facilitate, manage, fix, install, teach, care for, and specialize. In other words, we are primarily conduits for the exchange of goods, information and services. Individual free time - varying from person to person - is now regularly scheduled. But this free time also includes time to think, worry, wonder and waste.

 

Three or more generations ago Americans labored, often long and hard. The rhythms of life were dictated more often by daily physical fatigue than happy hours, soccer practices, gym memberships or satiating other desires. Yes life was more of a struggle, but the struggle was less complicated, more straight-forward. As a result, that little voice in our head that often thinks too much was quieted by the imperative of moving through each day.

 

Fast forward to this glossy, stylized century and we Americans find ourselves with an overabundance of time. As a result, many of us are on a constant mission to find answers. Find happiness. Find contentment. Find professional fulfillment. Too much searching, far too little accepting and enjoying. In other words, we get in our own way.

 

When we get in our own way, we become like the tail-chasing dog. Frantic, exhausted, dizzy. Too much thinking. Too much worrying. Too much wondering. Too much wasting. Consequently, we are in the present less, we enjoy less, we smile less, we risk less and we love less. In other words - we live less.

 

So if we know all of these things (fingers crossed), how do we fix ourselves?

 

I have previously said I care about much less than I used to - but what I do care about, I care about much more. But - like anyone else - I have often gotten in my own way, allowing mental clutter (both past and present) to cloud my skies, preventing soothing sunlight (i.e., people) from warming my life. Sadly, clouds (both real and imagined) don't always dissipate as quickly as we'd like them to. But with energy and desire, they will go away. Consistently sunny days are possible.

 

Mid-life or not - it's never too late. Unlike that mindless, tail-chasing dog, we have the ability to learn new tricks, and unlearn old ones - old ones that snuck into our lives to our detriment, eventually wearing out their welcome.

But game-changing requires a game plan, and (gulp) more thinking before those first timid baby steps morph into a determined stride. So in keeping with my Less But More outlook, here is:

The Cheap Seats Guide to Getting Out of Your Own Way
 

(Disclaimer: this list does not include one original idea)

1. Have a steak every other month. The tearing and chewing of flesh is therapeutic. Quiets the mind, too.

2. Make and sit in front of a fire as much as possible. The sense of accomplishment once the fire is blazing feels very Neanderthallic. And staring at the first element Homo Erectus ever tamed is a natural tranquilizer.

3. Barring allergies or lack of ownership, pet your pet daily. It's good for them; it's good for you. Dogs and cats, yes. Birds, snakes and bearded dragons, no. They'll just pee on you anyway.

4. Get a good night's sleep. Physician heal thyself!

5. ALWAYS sleep in contact with your loved one. ALWAYS. It's calming and fosters #4. If you don't, I have one question - what's the point of sharing a bed at all?

6. Forgive yourself. We all screw up. We all have regrets. We all hurt people. We all smack foreheads and ask ourselves, "Really? Did I make that choice?!" But in the course of forgiving yourself, you may discover that that pesky rearview mirror no longer has any real hold on you. Your gaze and attention will immediately turn ahead to brighter, sunnier skies.

7. Hug often. Hugs are healing and restorative. Did I mention powerful? Yup, powerful. Holy crap they're powerful.

8.  Engage in consistent moderate exercise. If you are like me, you too equate crabbiness with a lack of movement. The positive results are immediate and thoroughly satisfying.

9. When appropriate and welcome, give affection freely. And on the flipside, no shunning.

10. As much as possible, heal family relationships. Are you listening Eric?

11. Laugh every damn day!

I didn't mean to preach. I hope this didn't come across that way. I just think we all should give ourselves a fair shot at happiness. This simple list might be a good start. I haven't mastered any of them, and have taken for granted some, much to my regret. But I see a lot of hope coming from the practical application of each. They have a quieting effect on the endless parade of thoughts that may tumble through our minds each day. The result may be that we become more connected to our families, friends, and loved ones. And surely ourselves.

Well worth the effort.