The Adult Singles' Survival Kit
I have lived alone for most of the last dozen years. My kids, friends and family come and go on a regular basis, but for the most part it is just me. While I certainly would not have predicted this domestic state of affairs for myself 20 years ago, I have discovered that I don't really mind either. As I mentioned last spring in The Perks of Living Single, the benefits are numerous.
Oh sure, it does occasionally get lonely. And quiet. But after a long day or week entertaining teenagers, peace and quiet is the first thing on the menu. These periods of silence and inactivity, however, usually wear thin by Saturday morning. Then I am grateful for things to do, people to see and places to go.
But the fullness of my personal calendar, when it is not driven by my children's schedules, ebbs and flows. So, busy by demand becomes busy by design - a bridge during those times when responsibilities, home maintenance and fun are at low tides. In other words, I make shit up - at least until the lull is replaced by the usual dull roar. And to my surprise, it has been this shit-making up that has been as enjoyable as the completion of each real and fake task I set out for myself. The process forces me to include things I have been putting off, be creative or simply get out of the house.
Still, I am a big fan of down time. And it is this combination of free time and fakery that is often the essence of being single . If you have found yourself or someone else single well into adulthood, you too may have your own system of getting through each slow stretch. If not, then you may benefit from my Adult Singles' Survival Kit. Must-haves include:
1. Netflix - Screw cable. For a mere $7.99 a month you too can lose entire summers to Nip/Tuck, Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad, Star Trek (in all its incarnations), Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Arrested Development, etc., in a binge-viewing orgy that may leave you on the brink of plasma screen poisoning and/or unemployment. But if you are at least willing to let your hygiene and self-esteem suffer, you won't regret.
2. Willpower and Self-Control - Netflix cannot endlessly keep you company, however. Eventually, we have to get our fat butts off the couch, brush our grimy teeth and start moving. My personal level of self-loathing is inversely related to the amount of exercise I get. Like it or not, single and 40's means we still need to impress someone, lest we risk dying alone. Exercise takes discipline; and with no one around to motivate us, we are on our own. Sadly, Netflix doesn't have any personal trainer videos available for streaming. I've looked.
3. Willpower Continued - A few nights ago my sinuses were swollen and achy. I knew sleeping would be difficult at best. After grabbing every pillow in my house in order to sleep at an incline, I had an additional idea that I hadn't tried since college. So, without giving it a second thought, I went to the cupboard, unscrewed the cap and poured myself two fingers of Jameson whiskey. Slept like a baby. Even wet the bed. The booze served a purpose but it got me thinking about drinking alone regularly. Not a problem I've ever gone through but one I can understand. Stay vigilant people.
4. Friends to Have Breakfast With - Morning includes two of my favorite things: breakfast and coffee. Each doubly better if they are shared with friends. Take turns cooking or have greasy spoons on a regular rotation to meet at - whatever it takes to get together, catch up, talk and laugh.
5. A Pet - I've said it before, I am not a pet lover - a pet liker at best. Without too much forethought, I bought my cat Stella three years ago this fall. She completely destroyed the box I carried her out in by the time we got home. Ever since that day, I buy her food and let her jump up on anything she wants, but that's all. And I rub her neck when she demands it and brush her when I'm sick of all the hair, but that's all. You see where this is going. To my great surprise, I actually missed her the first time she disappeared for a few days. I played it cool upon her return but we've been tight ever since. At the very least, a pet is someone you can carry on a fake dialogue with, as I often do with Stella:
"Meow."
"Yes, yes - I know. I'm sorry."
"Meeeeeeowww!"
"You know what, you try putting in a full week of work and see how you like it!"
"MEOW!"
"Well maybe if you picked up a little around here, I wouldn't be in such a bad mood when I get home."
"Meow."
"I'm sorry too. I know you work hard, what with the licking and the lounging and the napping."
"Mrrrrrrrrr....."
"Yes, yes. I love you too."
6. Multiple Jobs - Extra time means extra hours to earn extra cash. I am an umpire from April to September and a referee in September and October. In between, other odd ways to earn a dime seem to constantly pop up. I would never want to find a real part-time job with a fixed schedule; just enough work to fill an evening or two a week at least half the year. And if it keeps me on my feet and moving, bonus.
7. A.D.D. - I like a challenge. Correction: I like thinking about taking on a challenge. If I actually take on the challenge, that's okay too. In the last few years I have been gluten-free (for five months), caffeine-free (for five weeks) and sugar-free (for five days). So maybe I do bounce from one thing to the next, A.D.D.-like, but that's not a bad thing right? The point is, I believe it is a good idea to put little "carrots" in front of ourselves to reach for (not real carrots - I wouldn't make it five minutes), stretching what we think we are capable of - testing our limits. It's kind of fun actually, and keeps me thinking (at the very least) about self-improvement.
8. Hobbies - The Netflix high can leave quite a hangover, especially after a marathon viewing of every Ken Burns documentary ever made. With that said, everyone needs a hobby. Single and in your 40's? You need a hobby more than ever. Try frisbee golf - it's pretty cool. Pick up a tennis racquet. Repaint rooms in your home frequently. Try woodworking. Like me, you might surprise yourself. Give Hot Yoga a whirl, especially if you want to know what a near-death experience feels like. The possibilities are endless.
9. To Do Lists - The backbone of this survival kit is the process itself. There is nothing like making a list and then having the pleasure of crossing off (almost) each item accomplished, no matter how lame some of the to do's may be:
-get dressed to exercise
- exercise
-take shower
- apply deoderant
-decide to give up coffee
-call Comcast re: increasing band width to support additional streaming
- pour out whiskey bottles
- feed Stella
-argue with Stella
-beg Stella for forgiveness ("Stellllllaaaaaa!")
-make coffee
-watch the series finale of Battlestar Galactica (again)
Ah, a day well spent.
Still, I am a big fan of down time. And it is this combination of free time and fakery that is often the essence of being single . If you have found yourself or someone else single well into adulthood, you too may have your own system of getting through each slow stretch. If not, then you may benefit from my Adult Singles' Survival Kit. Must-haves include:
1. Netflix - Screw cable. For a mere $7.99 a month you too can lose entire summers to Nip/Tuck, Battlestar Galactica, Breaking Bad, Star Trek (in all its incarnations), Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Arrested Development, etc., in a binge-viewing orgy that may leave you on the brink of plasma screen poisoning and/or unemployment. But if you are at least willing to let your hygiene and self-esteem suffer, you won't regret.
2. Willpower and Self-Control - Netflix cannot endlessly keep you company, however. Eventually, we have to get our fat butts off the couch, brush our grimy teeth and start moving. My personal level of self-loathing is inversely related to the amount of exercise I get. Like it or not, single and 40's means we still need to impress someone, lest we risk dying alone. Exercise takes discipline; and with no one around to motivate us, we are on our own. Sadly, Netflix doesn't have any personal trainer videos available for streaming. I've looked.
3. Willpower Continued - A few nights ago my sinuses were swollen and achy. I knew sleeping would be difficult at best. After grabbing every pillow in my house in order to sleep at an incline, I had an additional idea that I hadn't tried since college. So, without giving it a second thought, I went to the cupboard, unscrewed the cap and poured myself two fingers of Jameson whiskey. Slept like a baby. Even wet the bed. The booze served a purpose but it got me thinking about drinking alone regularly. Not a problem I've ever gone through but one I can understand. Stay vigilant people.
4. Friends to Have Breakfast With - Morning includes two of my favorite things: breakfast and coffee. Each doubly better if they are shared with friends. Take turns cooking or have greasy spoons on a regular rotation to meet at - whatever it takes to get together, catch up, talk and laugh.
5. A Pet - I've said it before, I am not a pet lover - a pet liker at best. Without too much forethought, I bought my cat Stella three years ago this fall. She completely destroyed the box I carried her out in by the time we got home. Ever since that day, I buy her food and let her jump up on anything she wants, but that's all. And I rub her neck when she demands it and brush her when I'm sick of all the hair, but that's all. You see where this is going. To my great surprise, I actually missed her the first time she disappeared for a few days. I played it cool upon her return but we've been tight ever since. At the very least, a pet is someone you can carry on a fake dialogue with, as I often do with Stella:
"Meow."
"Yes, yes - I know. I'm sorry."
"Meeeeeeowww!"
"You know what, you try putting in a full week of work and see how you like it!"
"MEOW!"
"Well maybe if you picked up a little around here, I wouldn't be in such a bad mood when I get home."
"Meow."
"I'm sorry too. I know you work hard, what with the licking and the lounging and the napping."
"Mrrrrrrrrr....."
"Yes, yes. I love you too."
6. Multiple Jobs - Extra time means extra hours to earn extra cash. I am an umpire from April to September and a referee in September and October. In between, other odd ways to earn a dime seem to constantly pop up. I would never want to find a real part-time job with a fixed schedule; just enough work to fill an evening or two a week at least half the year. And if it keeps me on my feet and moving, bonus.
7. A.D.D. - I like a challenge. Correction: I like thinking about taking on a challenge. If I actually take on the challenge, that's okay too. In the last few years I have been gluten-free (for five months), caffeine-free (for five weeks) and sugar-free (for five days). So maybe I do bounce from one thing to the next, A.D.D.-like, but that's not a bad thing right? The point is, I believe it is a good idea to put little "carrots" in front of ourselves to reach for (not real carrots - I wouldn't make it five minutes), stretching what we think we are capable of - testing our limits. It's kind of fun actually, and keeps me thinking (at the very least) about self-improvement.
8. Hobbies - The Netflix high can leave quite a hangover, especially after a marathon viewing of every Ken Burns documentary ever made. With that said, everyone needs a hobby. Single and in your 40's? You need a hobby more than ever. Try frisbee golf - it's pretty cool. Pick up a tennis racquet. Repaint rooms in your home frequently. Try woodworking. Like me, you might surprise yourself. Give Hot Yoga a whirl, especially if you want to know what a near-death experience feels like. The possibilities are endless.
9. To Do Lists - The backbone of this survival kit is the process itself. There is nothing like making a list and then having the pleasure of crossing off (almost) each item accomplished, no matter how lame some of the to do's may be:
-
- exercise
-
- apply deoderant
-
-
- pour out whiskey bottles
- feed Stella
-
-
-
-
Ah, a day well spent.
Writing"s not a hobby!? Hey.....Ever thought about NaNoWriMo? You have a little less than a month to plan your novel, sir. You already have the cat/muse.
ReplyDeleteA month?! How can someone write a novel in one month? And dusting off an unfinished one is NOT an option :)
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