The Perks of Living Single

At one time or another in our adult lives we are all single. While this status may be optional, other people have single-hood thrust upon them. In our 20's it's often a choice, but we usually have roommates to fill the silence and share the rent. After pairing off occurs, divorce occasionally follows and single-hood returns. This time, however, whether we are in our 30's or 40's, it is sans roommates. While I don't believe humans are meant to be alone, I have discovered that living single does have distinct advantages.

I have lived alone a couple of different times in adulthood. The first stretch lasted four years (34-37), a difficult time in life when all efforts were gladly centered on creating a welcoming home for my two young children. Take Two began over four and a half years ago, with wound-licking and too much self-reflection. Regardless, life immediately improved and the perks of living single began to reveal themselves.

Perk 1: I almost never make my bed (or wash the sheets for that matter). Hey, don't judge - you would get away with it too if you could - especially if you own only one set (guilty). Or maybe I'm just gross. Possibly. Regardless, I sleep a full five minutes longer each morning instead of getting up at 5:45 in the freakin' AM to practice my hospital corners. Would the room look better if I did make my bed? Of course, but my cat Stella enjoys getting lost in the rumples and who am I to deny her that pleasure.

Perk 2: I could - but don't - leave my clothes all over the bedroom floor. Fortunately, I am a bit of a neat freak - so I've got that going for me - which is nice (yes, I realize the neat freak/non-bedmaking is a contradiction). But the real reason I don't is because Stella would find her way into those rumples too (cat hair blows).

Perk 3: I rarely clean my bathroom. Okay, judge all you want but I would rather have my teeth drilled without anesthesia than scrub my toilet and tub with any sort of regularity. I regard bathroom cleaning like shingling a roof or replacing car tires. Everyone needs to do it from time to time but no one notices when or if it occurs. If I'm going to clean the damn thing I want a parade and notoriety to follow. Hmm, maybe a ridiculous post on Facebook would help ("Hey peeps, just cleaned the shitter!"). I wonder how many likes that would get? The lack of regular cleaning doesn't seem to bother Stella, who likes to hang out on the tub ledge between the liner and curtain while I am showering. Odd and a bit creepy. Luckily, I have children that come and go who think a clean bathroom is some sort of necessity (whatever). So that keeps me honest. The best $20 I ever spent was bribing my daughter into cleaning that disgusting petri dish of a room. Truth be told, she insisted. Bless her.

Perk 4: Eat standing up. I have a beautiful antique dining room table. It's a great place for laptops, gym bags, work bags, grocery bags, book bags, the occasional puzzle - even Stella. Mostly Stella. It is rarely a place to eat. Instead, I often eat standing up, in the kitchen, right before heading out the door, late because I had to wipe cat hair off the bathtub ledge (that's a lie - the hair is still there).

Perk 4.1: Eat breakfast any time of the day. No surprise here - but eggs taste the same (or better) after 6pm as they do before 10am. And if you are "off bread" - spooning out peanut butter and jelly from separate containers and depositing said PB&J straight into your mouth is not weird at all (unless you share a lick or two with a cat who considers the kitchen counter as part of her personal domain).

Perk 4.2: Almost never buy groceries. In college I once lived off of Saltines and Kraft singles for 10 days. Deep into my 40's, I'm testing the same theory with white rice and soy sauce. Or eggs and tator tots. Or peanut butter and jelly. Or . . . 

Perk 5: Letting a cat do whatever it wants. Sleep with you? Sure. Wake you at 4am with frightening regularity? Why not? Lick itself in the worst places while it is lounging on your chest? Knock yourself out. Rinse (lick) the dishes before they get a proper washing? Every time. When Stella picked me from all of the other humans at the animal shelter, she knew then and there she was on Easy Street.

Perk 6: Binge-viewing on Netflix. If you are single, you know what I'm talking about. Have no plans for Friday night? No problem. Season 1-5 of Madmen is waiting to fill the void. Or Family Guy. Or Star Trek. Or Battlestar Galactica. By the time you come up for air questions like "where the hell did June and July go" will dominate your thoughts. But if - in the midst of your binge-viewing - bottles of urine have piled up on your coffee table because a trip to the disgusting bathroom was farther than you wanted to travel, well . . . you may need more than a cat for company.

Living single isn't for everyone. Clearly. But as I have highlighted, it does have some pretty obvious advantages. Not a permanent state to aspire to but a rest stop on the way to a better, cleaner, more stockpiled, less vegetative, cat-free existence.