Men and Women - We Just Don't Care

Someone I once knew used the expression, "I Hear Your Words." Suffice it to say these fourteen letters did not come together to form a term of endearment. Instead, the message being clearly conveyed was, "I heard what you said; the words registered in my brain; I couldn't disagree more; you are a bastard."

The unintended effect of "I Hear Your Words", however, was to drive me nearly crazy. I am - after all - a guy. And if most guys are basically like me (which I think they are), they enjoy being right. But not only do men enjoy being right, men like others to acknowledge this to us ("yes, I guess you're right.") Whew, makes me want a cigarette . . . Yes, I know - a bastard.

This recent stroll (stumble really) down memory lane reaffirmed a basic fact that took me years to understand and accept. Men and women - on many key points - will never truly "get" each other. Oh sure, we can love each other, give serial monogamy a go, co-habitate, have children and grow old together, but there will always be two separate and distinct planes of existence that males and females dwell on. And that's okay.

Sound depressing? It shouldn't. In early adulthood men and women start pairing up, pro-creating and trying to "understand" each other. What a futile effort. Skip that third step (the first two are definitely worth a shot). Simply accept that differences between the sexes are a good thing. By letting go of this vain attempt, men and women may just spare themselves countless hours of arguments, confusing counseling co-pays and all those little hurts that never quite scab over, but continue to ooze for years.

But letting go will mean (gulp) compromise on both sides. For example, both sides have to accept that there are certain things neither men and women will never care about. For instance:

WOMEN DON'T CARE: Sadly ladies, you don't care about our fascination for Star Wars. And we really want you to. You are not impressed that we know why the original Star Wars movie was renamed Star Wars IV: A New Hope. And you certainly aren't interested in a dissertation on the subject. Yes, you secretly know we all want to be Jedi Knights but, NO, you won't dress up in that Princess Leia slave outfit a second time. Our loss. And if we ask you one more time it will probably be you uttering those famous words, "I've got a bad feeling about this." And if you've never heard that last quote - case closed.

MEN DON'T CARE: Us guys don't care why you like shoes so much. We only care that you paid the equivalent of a Mark Hamill (a/k/a Luke Skywalker) autographed original Star Wars: A New Hope movie poster for those eight-inch high heels (which, on a related note, makes us feel just a tad inadequate) that you claim were on sale. Yes, we like how you look in them but why would you think it's okay to interrupt the game for a fashion show?

WOMEN DON'T CARE: The process took a few years, but ladies, we have noticed that you don't come to our softball games anymore. Do you have something better to do? Or is it something we said? We know arguing with an umpire who is getting paid $23.15 a game is bad form but for God sakes, that ball was at least six inches off the plate! And would it be asking too much if he got his big butt out from behind the plate to make a call at second base now and then?! I really don't get it - don't you like our friends? Sure, one beer after the game might lead to five, but it's all in good fun, and we promise to be home by midnight.

MEN DON'T CARE: We know you're just venting girls, but we don't need a word for word recap of your conversations with your mother. Yes, we know she can be a bit overbearing at times but has it ever been any different? And we realize you are worried you are becoming her, but trust us, we will definitely let you know if that happens. Definitely. Besides, you don't hear us complaining about that shitty umpire. Oh wait . . . 

WOMEN DON'T CARE: Right from the start we knew we weren't the best looking guys around, so we worked extra hard to make up for it with humor. But regardless, we thought you liked Seinfeld? We just assumed that you were laughing with us when we quoted the show, talked about the show, remembered a funny scene from the show, watched old re-runs of the show, even acted out a scene from the show with our softball buddies after a few beers. Apparently, we were wrong. Who knew . . . 

MEN DON'T CARE: And for all of you ladies who enjoy bargain shopping, we have an announcement. We don't need a line by line itemization of your purchases and their corresponding savings. We don't care that you got an extra 25% discount on top of the 30% coupon you received in the mail. We aren't mad (or shouldn't be), and you shouldn't feel the need to justify your spending (but if you do, big red flag). We appreciate that you saved money. That's it. 

Clearly, men and women are different. It's always been so. They don't have to understand each other. It's never been so. They do, however, have to appreciate each other. It should always be so.