Chronic Cord Confusion

Back in the dear old 20th century there wasn't too much a person could lose or misplace. A hunt for glasses, car keys or wallet was an occasional, but consistent nuisance. Choice words were spoken, a 24 hour backtrace was performed and now and then keys and wallet were found in the most interesting places - in my hand or back pocket. But - most of the time - these three AWOL items were carelessly set down in random spots throughout the home. Naturally, when I needed them most, I was typically in a hurry, late for something or close to being overdrawn at the bank (more than one debit card has been needlessly cancelled as a result).
 

Fast forward to the present and the loss of these "antiques" seems almost quaint. Finally, after years of silly frustration, this old dog took the necessary steps to insure that keys are always on a hook in the kitchen, wallet is always in my glove box (smart, right?) and glasses are always next to the bed. Unfortunately, as soon as I had resolved three problems at once, new 21st century difficulties quickly emerged.

 

Technology - of course - with all its wonders, is to blame (certainly not me). We Americans, especially if you are around my age, love our gadgets. And one gadget does not typically replace another (with the exception of the cell phone); it coexists alongside the "old" one, performing a barely distinguishable but separate, "cooler" function.

 

And, because no one has invented a solar-powered phone, pad or laptop (to my knowledge), our devices still require an old school plug-in now and then, on the order of every 5-10 hours of use. So, we have cords for everything we need - and lots of them. Enter the 21st century version of keys, wallet or glasses - the missing !#%!&*! power cord.

 

At last count I have 12 different power cords. No, that wasn't a misprint - TWELVE. A mic cord, a printer cord, earbuds (they count because they always go missing), iPad charger, iPod charger, grooming cord (I can grow a beard in a day and a half), laptop charger, phone charger, and camera charger and picture transfer cord. In my glove box (besides my poorly placed wallet) I have an iPad/Pod car charger, a phone car charger and some weird thing I can plug into a cigarette lighter (remember those?) that looks like an ordinary wall jack.

 

Pause to catch my breath. Oops, forgot my electric toothbrush charger. Thirteen.

 

The result of this chronic cord confusion is that - like the Christmas lights - cords get tangled, mangled and misplaced. To date, I have purchased extra phone chargers (1), earbuds (2), phone car charger (1) and iPad charger (1) only to stumble upon the original of each item shortly after swiping my debit card at a local retailer. Expletive deleted.

 

Like the old dog who finally found a home for his keys, wallet and glasses, I wised up by designating a few locations to store all of these plastic-coated wires (I think, can't recall exactly where they all are at the moment). Fingers crossed.

 

I am not the most tech-saavy person in the world. I am positive that many other people have even more gadgets than I do. But this is our collective burden to bear - to wander our homes muttering to ourselves about the location of this cord or that charger - going from room to room, checking every wall outlet for a lonely, unconnected piece of wire.

 

In fact, I'm doubtful I will finish this post before my laptop runs out of power. The cord is here somewhere, I'm sure of it. Hurry Eric, hurry. End with a poem; you can do it . . .

 

There was a 40ish man who lived in a box,
That was full of chargers and cords, plug-ins and docks;
He lost them and found them, but couldn't tell which,
Was the new one or old one, Son of a . . .

 

Charge depleted. Please re-connect your power cord. Have a nice day.