Gotta Cut Footloose

I am feeling a lot like Kevin Bacon's Ren McCormick today. He moved south from Chicago to Beaumont U.S.A., only to find out that his God-given right to dance had been taken away by small minds in a small town. In a last ditch appeal to the John Lithgow-controlled town council, Ren (seeking permission to hold a high school prom) melodramatically declared that "it is our time to dance." Such deeply sincere overacting was just barely nudged out a few years later by Patrick Swayze's Pechanga-hating, "no one puts Baby in a corner." But I digress.


In truth, I draw inspiration from a blogpost I read this morning by Josh Ellis entitled, "Everyone I know is Broken-hearted." Ellis' epic rant takes a swipe at seemingly everything he believes has unraveled the fabric of American culture (from the perspective of a 36 year-old) over the last three generations. Perhaps Ellis is simply a pessimist at heart but his piece speaks of a vague desperation and deep dissatisfaction that has infused itself into the American psyche. Either way, I found myself nodding sadly in agreement with much of what Ellis had to say.


So, with apologies to Footloose (and Mr. Ellis), it is my time to rant. Ranting - much like dancing - is good for the soul. It cleans out the pipes, so to speak. That body-cleansing cough smokers hack out after running three blocks - the bile and tar spat out onto off-white concrete.

Rant #1 - Smartphones are stupid. Just ask me, I own one. Do I need it for work? No, and neither do most of you. Do I like having the sum of human knowledge in my hand? Of course. Does it make me smarter? No, just lazier. Does it create an isolating barrier between us and the rest of the world? Bingo!


Rant #2 - Public Education isn't broken - the American Family is and has been for a long time. I am long past tired of hearing politicians blame our school system for not meeting the needs of children. Good lord, public education is directed to assume one parental duty after another, year after year. And why? Because too many children do not get their basic needs met by their primary caregivers - Mom and Dad. This wasn't always the case. According to childtrends.org, in 1960 only 5% of births in the US were to unmarried women. Today, 41% - approaching half! Its consequences - socioeconomic disadvantage, living instability - have robbed adults and children of a sense of identity, security, and belonging. Naturally, these problems manifest themselves in classroom after classroom. But they didn't originate there. Still, political leaders can't have a real national conversation about that because it might hurt someone's feelings or cast blame (or lose votes). Much easier to point the finger at teachers - those bastards have their summers off anyway.


Rant #3 - American Politics is not blue or red, just varying shades of purple. Democrat or Republican - there is almost nothing that distinguishes one from the other. Each party believes freedom is a good thing. Each party is pro-capitalism. Each party supports the 2nd Amendment (it's true, despite those ridiculous Facebook posts). Each party believes in the maintenance of a strong, flexible military. Each party wants to keep Wall Street happy at all costs. And each party lies to us. Lies about upward mobility like it's a real thing. Lies about our health and safety, as if special interests don't in fact run the show. Red, blue, or purple - the system of American politics wants us fat, numb, and ill-informed - mindlessly playing Candy Crush rather than notice the obscene amounts of waste and fraud perpetrated in Washington year after year.


Rant #4 - Today's popular music is simply awful. Yes, yes - here comes the curmudgeon. I realize this is my "things were better back in the day" rant. And I'm fine with that. Actually, I do believe there is a lot of very good, original music being made out there somewhere. But I'll be damned if I can find it. Instead, the three radio stations per metropolitan area that actually play music simply regurgitate the same auto-tuned shit hour after bass-pumping hour. Where's the guitar? Where's the diva who can actually hit a note (apologies Adele, I know your next album is coming soon)? Where are song lyrics that are about more than "backing up that ass" and "looking fly in my G6?" You've got to search deep into music apps like Pandora, Spotify, and Songza to hear anything approaching original in this lousy decade of music. Good grief, why do you think 80's music has roared back so strongly? Because it kicked ballsy, over-the-top, brash ass, that's why!


Rant #5 - The obnoxious piety of some elements of American Christianity. FYI - the Founding Fathers were not religious men (they were products of The Enlightenment, an anti-religious movement) so quit saying this nation was founded upon Christian principles. It wasn't. If they resembled Christian principles it is because those principles were/are universal, not the purview of any one faith. And the last time I checked, Jesus was all about helping the beggars, uplifting the poor, healing the sick  - hell, he was a poor man himself! If Jesus wandered into 21st century America he couldn't get an audience on a street corner, much less a Sunday time slot at any one of the hundreds of mega-churches trolling out the gospel of prosperity in his name. These are the same parishioners who don't want society's "rabble" to lower their property values or blight the off ramps of their suburban utopias. Today they would see a faintly familiar, long-haired man with a scraggly beard talking about meek people inheriting the planet and brand him a Communist, hippie pot-smoker who should "get a job." Stephen Colbert, without a trace of humor, said it best regarding American Christianity's contradiction, “If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.”


There, I feel better. A good solid rant (or five) is therapeutic, good for the soul. Potentially offensive, yes. A measured risk, I realize - but would you rather I posted a video of myself dancing the Pechanga? I didn't think so either.