Dear Eric - 25 Years Later

This Monday marks the 25th anniversary of my graduation from college - June 9, 1989. Other than loved ones' birthdays and holidays, it is the only date that I am consciously aware of year after year. The date is significant for two reasons: First, it was the end of an idyllic four years of my young life, Secondly, because 6989 has been a passcode or PIN number of mine for various accounts ever since (Hey, not all reasons are heavy with melodrama).

Strange how relative time can be. When we're pre-teens we can't imagine adulthood. When we are in our 20's we can't comprehend middle-age. Now that middle-age has arrived, becoming a septuagenarian seems impossible. But just like every other of life's benchmarks, that too shall come to pass. Still, I can wait.

The U.S. Postal Service doesn't bring a lot of thrills anymore. Yesterday, however, was an exception. I received a letter from Eric Bergman. No, not me. It was from June 9, 1989 Me. On the morning of graduation I wrote myself a letter. On the spot sentimentality isn't usually my thing but I was inspired that bright, clear morning. I peeked forward 25 years and wrote to someone who would one day be more than twice my age. Someone I couldn't yet imagine becoming - but one day would become all the same. Me.

It read:

Dear Eric,

I almost don't know where to start. How are you? Are you happy? Was is it a hard transition from driving road cars to flying cars? What was your first trip into space like? Were the other passengers scared too? Did George Lucas ever make any more Star Wars movies after Return of the Jedi? I hope so.

I'm sorry. Silly of me to ask all these questions - I'll have the answers eventually. I know the world you live in probably looks a lot different than the one I grew up in. It has been a unique decade - the 80's. There is absolutely zero chance that any sort of 80's nostalgia will be rekindled by the time you read this. A weird ten years - Michael Jackson turns from black to white, Mtv began airing (no doubt off the tube long ago), birth of the frustrating home computer (guessing all your technologies have been implanted in your brain, right?), and button-fly jeans (hope those are still around). U2 has been cool, though. I'm sure they fizzled out a long time ago.

Graduation is in a few hours and I have a confession. I'm not sure I'm ready for the next step. I really don't know what I want to do yet. I thought about going in to teaching last year but dropped the idea. I wonder if I changed my mind? I'm still thinking about law school, but deep down the biggest reason I might try it is because I don't have anything better to do. Not really a great reason to do anything, right?

Are you a Dad in the future? I'm guessing you are. Do you like being a Dad? Is it hard? I don't think about it much, but if I were to choose any word to describe even the idea of being a Dad, it would be nervous. Was I be able to do all the little things to keep someone else alive when they're tiny? Did I act silly and goofy with kids? Did being a Dad change me in a good way? Questions, questions, I know. Well, at least I have one thing figured out. Drew. For some reason, I like the name Drew. Don't know how it got stuck in my head - seems like an odd thing to think about as a 22 year-old - but if I ever have a son his name will be Drew Thomas Bergman. So I guess I have that covered.

I wonder if I'll be any wiser when I read this letter to myself 25 years from now. I better be otherwise what the hell have I been doing with myself for the last quarter century? Is your life kind of set now? Do you know what I mean? Like content, happy. Are most days pretty satisfying? I can't imagine being you right now. But I'm you so I suppose I already have the answers to my own questions. But does that mean more questions have been added as others have been answered? Makes my head spin a little.

I suppose life hurts now and then, huh? What was it like? Was it anything like the pain of that first heartbreak? Geez, I hope not. The feeling of my chest bursting outward isn't something I would look forward to twice. Or more. Have you lost anyone close to you yet? You know that I haven't yet, but 25 years from now? Probably.  Still, I don't like thinking about it.

Well, I've got to get ready for the Big Day so I'll wrap this up. My parents and grandma and grandpa are coming for the ceremony. They should be here in a few hours. That gives me some time to go for a run and iron my only dress shirt. By the way, am I still running in 2014? I hope so. I better not look like shit in 25 years. I can deal with gray hair and wrinkles but don't fall completely apart, okay? Besides, I'm always happier when I'm running. Hope I haven't forgotten that.

Take care of yourself. I'm looking forward to meeting you.

Eric

p.s. Stay the hell away from coffee. Tastes like shit anyway so that shouldn't be a problem.

p.s.s. And don't grow up too much okay?