That Time I Froze the Family Jewels
I've said it before and I'll say it again - I am a minimalist. Actually that's saying it one too many times. Regardless, a lack of physical clutter appeals to me but - by extension - this philosophy has seeped into the intangible areas of my own memory. And I've decided that is no longer a good thing.
I get it - memory minimalism is its own form of protection from the unwanted, scarring parts of our past. No one likes to feel pain, whether it is raw, numbing or mostly scabbed over. But the unhealthy byproduct of such efforts - intentional or otherwise - is that the essence of memories worth savoring are lost or fragmented in the sifting process.
I sometimes wonder if that has happened to me. I have heard people retell detailed stories from their past and my first thought is, "How can they remember something so vividly that happened 30, 40, 50 years ago?" And I am jealous. No chance they are memory minimalists.
Barring some physio/neurological impediments, all of our memories (good, bad or otherwise) are neatly tucked away somewhere in our cerebral cortex just waiting to be retrieved. What causes a recall is entirely personal. Tastes, smells, even weather can prompt a resurfacing. In fact, the recent cold snap has triggered two weather-related memories in my own mind. They are embarrassing and include a fair amount of stupidity, but I'm glad I was able to pull them out. They gave me hope that not all of my memory files have been permanently archived.
Maybe it's all a matter of mining. Perhaps if I just dig a little, I'll unearth more memories that were immune to my minimalism - stories from the past that more often than not start with the words, "Remember that time . . . "
1. That time I was kicked out of class in college because I was laughing uncontrollably over a joke a friend whispered to me (What's the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin').
I get it - memory minimalism is its own form of protection from the unwanted, scarring parts of our past. No one likes to feel pain, whether it is raw, numbing or mostly scabbed over. But the unhealthy byproduct of such efforts - intentional or otherwise - is that the essence of memories worth savoring are lost or fragmented in the sifting process.
I sometimes wonder if that has happened to me. I have heard people retell detailed stories from their past and my first thought is, "How can they remember something so vividly that happened 30, 40, 50 years ago?" And I am jealous. No chance they are memory minimalists.
Barring some physio/neurological impediments, all of our memories (good, bad or otherwise) are neatly tucked away somewhere in our cerebral cortex just waiting to be retrieved. What causes a recall is entirely personal. Tastes, smells, even weather can prompt a resurfacing. In fact, the recent cold snap has triggered two weather-related memories in my own mind. They are embarrassing and include a fair amount of stupidity, but I'm glad I was able to pull them out. They gave me hope that not all of my memory files have been permanently archived.
Maybe it's all a matter of mining. Perhaps if I just dig a little, I'll unearth more memories that were immune to my minimalism - stories from the past that more often than not start with the words, "Remember that time . . . "
1. That time I was kicked out of class in college because I was laughing uncontrollably over a joke a friend whispered to me (What's the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin').
2. That time I had my first slow dance with a girl.
3. That time my dad and I built a fire pit in the dark.
4. That time my daughter was out-of-her-mind happy to go camping for the first time.
5. That time in elementary school when I found out the girl I liked, liked me too.
6. That time I took out my own vasectomy stitches.
7. That time during JV basketball when I went to the free throw line with the game on the line . . . and tossed up an airball.
8. Those times I taught my kids to ride their bikes.
9. That time I found S&M literature in a former boss's briefcase.
10. That time I accidentally wore two different shoes to school.
11. That time I committed an act of civil disobedience, and gleefully got away with it.
12. That time I won a trivia contest at a Star Trek convention.
13. That time a cigarette ash flew out a car window and right into my nine-year old mouth.
14. That time I killed a gopher with a whiffle ball (a solemn burial in a shoebox followed soon after).
15. That time I told my kids I was getting remarried and they cried and cried and cried (that should have been my first clue).
16. That time I ran my vehicle through a carwash in below zero weather, freezing the locks, forcing me to run over a mile home wearing only thin nylon windpants (but no underwear).
17. That time my whole family was decorating the Christmas tree while watching the Vikings Tommy Kramer complete a winning Hail Mary pass to Ahmad Rashad (We went completely nuts).
18. That time my daughter was terrified to tell me she liked a boy, but told me anyway.
19. That time I unintentionally ran a lap around Lake Harriet with Alan Page.
20. That time I hit a patch of slush on the freeway and did three complete circles before stopping in the face of oncoming traffic.
21. That time my infant son and I dressed up in Starfleet uniforms for Halloween.
22. That time I saw my 3rd grade teacher wearing short shorts.
23. That time my co-worker friends and I went to a tiki bar in Fort Myers, Florida.
24. That time I got poison ivy and oozed puss for seven straight days.
25. That time in college when I ate an entire brick of ice cream, which blew my roommate's mind.
26. That time I split my head open after being run over by a bicycle.
27. That time my parents and I went on a college visit and I heard Tears For Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" at least ten times in one day. I hated the song for years afterward.
28. That time in 8th grade when I shaved in class as part of a demonstration speech.
29. That first time I went to the state fair, which was with my mom.
30. That time I flew to New York to audition for a spot on Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
31. That time when I was 15 and stayed out all night but didn't get in trouble (but should have).
32. That time when a bat forced my daughter and me to hide cowardly under the covers one Christmas morning (my son scoffed at us and had the bat outside in five minutes).
33. That time when I sat - terrified - in front of a computer for the first time (I was 17).
34. That time I hit a game-winning home run in a fast-pitch softball game.
35. That time I won an essay contest in junior high, but had written the winning essay for someone else, in exchange for $3.00 in quarters.
36. That time I nearly shot a hole-in-one but then missed the birdie putt.
37. That time my brother and I walked eight miles home after a flat tire.
38. That first time I told my grandmother I loved her - which came much too late.
39. That time I went for a run in a -35 below wind-chill and returned non-verbal and half alive.
40. That time I took my pants off in a 9th grade public speaking class.
41. That time when my son told me he loved me because he knew I was feeling low.
42. That time I realized I had the ability to calm down an hysterical child.
43. That first time I cried over my grandpa's passing . . . two years after his death.
44. That time I ran the race of my life.
45. That time I crashed a motorcycle while learning how to ride a motorcycle.
46. That time at the base of Mt. Rainier when the only words my friend and I could say over and over were, "Wow."
47. That time I happily discovered I wasn't a memory minimalist.
Okay, maybe there's hope for me yet. But in the meantime, my place could use a little down-sizing.
11. That time I committed an act of civil disobedience, and gleefully got away with it.
12. That time I won a trivia contest at a Star Trek convention.
13. That time a cigarette ash flew out a car window and right into my nine-year old mouth.
14. That time I killed a gopher with a whiffle ball (a solemn burial in a shoebox followed soon after).
15. That time I told my kids I was getting remarried and they cried and cried and cried (that should have been my first clue).
16. That time I ran my vehicle through a carwash in below zero weather, freezing the locks, forcing me to run over a mile home wearing only thin nylon windpants (but no underwear).
17. That time my whole family was decorating the Christmas tree while watching the Vikings Tommy Kramer complete a winning Hail Mary pass to Ahmad Rashad (We went completely nuts).
18. That time my daughter was terrified to tell me she liked a boy, but told me anyway.
19. That time I unintentionally ran a lap around Lake Harriet with Alan Page.
20. That time I hit a patch of slush on the freeway and did three complete circles before stopping in the face of oncoming traffic.
21. That time my infant son and I dressed up in Starfleet uniforms for Halloween.
22. That time I saw my 3rd grade teacher wearing short shorts.
23. That time my co-worker friends and I went to a tiki bar in Fort Myers, Florida.
24. That time I got poison ivy and oozed puss for seven straight days.
25. That time in college when I ate an entire brick of ice cream, which blew my roommate's mind.
26. That time I split my head open after being run over by a bicycle.
27. That time my parents and I went on a college visit and I heard Tears For Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" at least ten times in one day. I hated the song for years afterward.
28. That time in 8th grade when I shaved in class as part of a demonstration speech.
29. That first time I went to the state fair, which was with my mom.
30. That time I flew to New York to audition for a spot on Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
31. That time when I was 15 and stayed out all night but didn't get in trouble (but should have).
32. That time when a bat forced my daughter and me to hide cowardly under the covers one Christmas morning (my son scoffed at us and had the bat outside in five minutes).
33. That time when I sat - terrified - in front of a computer for the first time (I was 17).
34. That time I hit a game-winning home run in a fast-pitch softball game.
35. That time I won an essay contest in junior high, but had written the winning essay for someone else, in exchange for $3.00 in quarters.
36. That time I nearly shot a hole-in-one but then missed the birdie putt.
37. That time my brother and I walked eight miles home after a flat tire.
38. That first time I told my grandmother I loved her - which came much too late.
39. That time I went for a run in a -35 below wind-chill and returned non-verbal and half alive.
40. That time I took my pants off in a 9th grade public speaking class.
41. That time when my son told me he loved me because he knew I was feeling low.
42. That time I realized I had the ability to calm down an hysterical child.
43. That first time I cried over my grandpa's passing . . . two years after his death.
44. That time I ran the race of my life.
45. That time I crashed a motorcycle while learning how to ride a motorcycle.
46. That time at the base of Mt. Rainier when the only words my friend and I could say over and over were, "Wow."
47. That time I happily discovered I wasn't a memory minimalist.
Okay, maybe there's hope for me yet. But in the meantime, my place could use a little down-sizing.
This was a fun read. Thanks for sharing part of you!
ReplyDeletePS I am glad it was a former bosses bag you looked in... smile
About 20 years ago Becky - a different boss and different profession :)
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