Advice to a Departing Child

Brevity has always been a struggle for me. I have mistakenly believed that in order to "be heard" repetition is better than conciseness. And for a word-lover, brevity is counter-productive. So I ramble on . . . 

Not today. Today I am going to be short and to the point. Say what I gotta say, then walk away. This won't be habit-forming, of course. Old dogs and such. 

But this fine morning is different. This cool, quiet A.M calls for the Slam, Bam, Thank You Ma'am approach to writing. The reason for my change of pace is simple.

I have a Four-Alarm Hangover.

The details are entirely unimportant, but suffice it to say that I had fun. No lampshade and embarrassing pictures on Facebook sort of fun. Just sharing laughs, swapping memories and catching up with a good friend that I don't see often enough. 

He would be the first to say that I rarely drink. The primary reason I don't is to avoid just the kind of exquisite suffering I am currently enduring. That and the horrible taste in my mouth. Who deposited the rat carcass in there last night?

But my current condition might be the perfect opportunity to impart a brief sprinkling of wisdom to my soon-to-be departing 17 year-old son. He doesn't like when I'm wordy either. A few months ago he chose Boston University as Chapter Two in his own The Life and Times of . . . That decision - and the self-evident freedom that will come with it - has naturally had me reminiscing about  the mistakes, memories and misfires I made in college.

Don't get me wrong; I loved my university experience thoroughly. But when a guy is young and dumb, a few miscues are mandatory. We learn more from our mistakes is sadly not just a cliche, it's more often than not the truth. The key is not to make them too often, too big, or too damaging. I know my son will stumble and fall now and then; turn left when he should have gone right; say yes when he should have said no. But, like any anxious parent who has been there, I unrealistically want him to avoid the pain but still receive the gain. 

Yes, yes. Brevity. I haven't forgotten. Without further ado, my advice to a departing child:

1. Pay Attention: Hey, I didn't say there was any rocket science to this list. Sometimes the Hokey Pokey is simply about being awake and present in your own life. Yes, I know this sounds obvious but how many people can you name simply set the cruise control a long time ago and didn't abide by Benjamin Braddock's advice in The Graduate: "You're missing a great effect here!" Pay attention to your dreams and goals. Pay attention to your head and heart. Pay attention to your surroundings. Pay attention to your family and friends. Pay attention to your health and happiness. 

2. Ask Questions: Confusion sucks. Too many people spend too much time not knowing and too little time finding out. Don't know the time? Ask. Don't know how to get from here to there? Ask. You don't understand what someone meant? Ask. You don't know what someone wants? Ask. Sure, everyone has faked knowledge and understanding from time to time, but it's no way to live. Thankfully, people love to help other people who have questions. It makes them feel needed and connects us - if momentarily with - with the wider world. And BTW, asking Google doesn't count. No Google search has ever started out with the words, "I'm sorry to bother you, but could you tell me . . . ?"

3. Listen: Paying attention and asking questions requires listening. One of my favorite quotes is, We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. From cradle to grave we learn much, much more from listening than we ever do from talking.  

4. Spend Money Wisely: Oh my, how much space do I have? The only thing I can advise here is avoid unnecessary debt. And consult people before making major purchases. And don't spend impulsively. And don't buy a  $4 cup of coffee. And . . . And . . . And . . .

5. Do What You Love: Pursue a career path that fires your imagination and soul. Throw your whole heart into a capital "S" Something when you have the time, energy and idealism to devote to it. No, that path may not pan out in the end, but at least it won't remain a lifelong, unanswered question that gnaws at you. But if it does pay the bills one day your life will be rich in all of the ways that matter.

6. Call Your Family - They Miss You: Texts will be nice. Emails will be read, enjoyed, saved and re-read. But call too. We want to hear that you're okay, and when you're not. We want to hear that you've had success, and when you haven't. We want to hear that your heart is full, and when it's been broken. We want to hear that you need help, and when you just called to say Hi. We want to hear.

So much for brevity.

There is nothing magical or unique here. We all need to give ourselves little reminders from time to time that may help keep the train on its tracks. Hell, a small laminated copy in my wallet years ago would have been wise. Hmm. Never too late, right? 

Maybe I'll make two.