Things I'll Never Understand - Part 3

For all the words I put down on "paper" each week, I'm not that bright. Oh sure, I can rhyme on a dime, jot down some ideas or anecdotes now and then and occasionally sit in judgment of other people's behavior, but I don't really know how to "do" anything.

I have always admired and been amazed by anyone who can "tinker". You know the type - the guy who pulls the engine out of his car, takes it completely apart and then reassembles it with no extra parts left over. Or the builder who constructs his own house. What?! Really? Who does that? If I were given such a task my "home" would look a lot like the birdhouse I "built" in Shop class. Suffice it to say that even squatters weren't interested in that dump. And then there are the new generation of engineers that work in the elusive areas of computer design creating networks, softwares and websites. Huh? I barely have a grasp of this Universe, let alone invisible cyberworlds. Who thinks like that? Not me.

Maybe it's a sign of the times - transport a person from the Dark Ages (or the 20th century) to the present and much of our modern technology looks like magic. Heck, it all seems like hocus pocus to me. Does that make me a relic? Has the pace of modernization relegated people like me to the past? And if so, does that mean that the contemporary mind actually works differently (and better) than mine and others like me? Is that the primary reason and desire for a return by many to a simpler time? A fondness for that "zinc-plated, vacuum-tubed culture" I was raised in? I'm not sure, but the fact that I just wrote six consecutive questions in a row might be an answer of sorts to many things I'll never understand, but certainly take for granted. Such as:

1. How a Car Works - There are more than 200 moving parts in a car's engine. I can name about seven (alternator, starter, gasket, piston, transmission, air filter - which the guy at Jiffy Lube keeps telling me I need to replace - and a window washer fluid reservoir), but have no idea how any of them function. If something doesn't sound quite right when I'm driving, I do the only thing I know that will fix the problem - turn up the radio.

2. How a Phone Works - Someone explain to me how my voice can be carried through the air or over a now archaic (but still magical) landline and connected to someone else's talky thingy - all in a matter of seconds - regardless of where in the world that other person is? After you have explained the entire process to me using charts, graphs and hand puppets I will look at you like you are completely, stark-raving mad and demand that the other village elders of Salem have you clapped in irons and burned at the stake.

3. How Planes Fly - When you look up between sunrise and sunset there is a strong chance that you will see a thin trail of jet exhaust from a plane that is cruising at an altitude of approximately 30,000 feet. In fact, according to the FAA, there are between 5,000-7,000 airplanes in the air over the United States at any one time. I don't dispute that number. What I do dispute is how they all don't immediately fall out of the sky. Yes, I've heard of terms like lift and thrust, but how does any hunk of metal get off the ground, much less stay aloft? I suppose that's the main reason I never take my seat belt off when I fly (like that will even make a difference).

4. How the Internet Works - In just a few minutes I will hit "publish" and this blogpost will go "live" for people to read or ignore. I almost understand how that is possible. Almost. But every day - on an iPad - I watch the news, listen to music or play games with friends who are miles away. Images and sounds float through an invisible realm into this bizarre little device made of composite metals, glass, fairy dust and just plain sorcery. By any reasoning of my Neanderthal brain this "web" shouldn't work, but it does, trapping information every single time.

This list of technological wonders I'll never understand could go on and on - nuclear weapons, moon landings, wrinkle-free pants, the seedless watermelon, how women successfully walk in heels. All mysteries. The only thing I know for sure is that there are (and were) many, many smart people whose brains are wired in such a way that they considered my confused question, "How?", with the ingenious answer, "Why not?"

What's next, I wonder? What do you think will be some of the innovations of the 21st century?