Things I'll Never Understand - Part 2

Three months ago I was confused, and shared that confusion with you. Time has worked no wonders on my state of mind. Rather than take any personal responsibility for this chronic condition, I will simply - again - blame curiosity. Which has left me more befuddled than ever.

You see, I thought I would have more answers and fewer questions when I reached my mid-forties. Oh sure, I learn new things every day (curiosity). The problem is the storage capacity of my brain is like that of a vintage PC, very limited. And there seems to be no possibility of an upgrade. I've considered a hard shutdown reboot - undoubtedly painful - but there are no guarantees with that, only the likelihood of more lost data. Consequently, for every new piece of information that is "saved", there is an old, tattered fragment I drag to the recycle bin. Or worse, it is deleted unread. My brain - it appears - needs a file clerk.

 So, the list  of Things I'll Never Understand continues to grow. I wonder about them, try to rationally assign meaning to them, but answers continue to be elusive. Sometimes they hover just out of reach, seemingly within my grasp, only to drift away.

Many are silly, some are irritating, a few just plain confound me:

1. Why did I wait until I was 28 to drink coffee? My memory is faulty, but there are a few treasured moments that will always remain crystal clear. When I became a coffee drinker is one of them. Prior to November 1996 (yes, sadly I even remember the month), coffee was a nasty brown liquid other people injested. But my world opened up with two simple words: french vanilla. Nothing has been the same since, including the color of my teeth, which are probably fading gently to a pleasing grayish hue. Worth it. Coffee was a revelation; a daily indulgence that is an essential part of every morning of my life. But what took me so long?

2. Why do geese walk across roads? How many of us have been in minor traffic jams because Mr. and Mrs. Goose were both taking their sweet time walking across a two-lane road? Hello?? Wings!! I admit I do admire they way the gander bobs his neck and hisses at anyone who gets near his lady, but wouldn't the smarter move be about three wingflaps and - presto - the other side of the road? Head-scratcher . . .

3. Why aren't children left unseen for hours by their parents anymore? If you are even close to my age you can remember as a child, being out of sight of your parents (usually your mom) for hours at a time. She didn't wonder where you were, much less worry. And now, most parents (including me when my kids were younger) can't conceive of letting their pre-teens out of sight for any length of time. When did this change, and why? Was it simply generational? Has our society decayed so badly so quickly that trust is a luxury? I'm sure there isn't just one answer, but I can't put my finger on even one of them.

4. What's up with those weird Calvin stickers in the back windows of people's automobiles? My favorite comic strip was/is Calvin & Hobbes. The strip was created by Bill Watterson. The strip ran for only ten years, although reruns can still be read in newspapers today in more than 50 countries. I admire Watterson for refusing to cash in on Calvin & Hobbes by forbidding the merchandising of their likenesses (other than book sales), unlike the way Charles Schultz pimped out his Peanuts characters to hawk everything from greeting cards to life insurance. For me, it somehow made that scheming little boy and his stuffed tiger more endearing. Unfortunately, where there's popularity there will always be the illegal use of someone's image. The only place I have ever seen Calvin - outside of the printed page - is on the back window of a vehicle (usually a truck). The simple sticker usually depicts Calvin - sporting a devilish grin - peeing on a Dodge, Chevy or Ford logo. Occasionally, Calvin is kneeling and praying reverently to a cross. And, because it's an election year, I have also seen Calvin relieving himself (number 2 this time) on both the Democratic donkey and the Republican elephant. Where would the bumper sticker industry be without the good old 1st Amendment? Flushed down the toilet.

5. Is American going to hell in a handbasket or not? Theater shootings, school shootings, economic downturns, outsourced jobs, nationwide drought, political polarization, a generation in debt, two separate wars in the last decade. Tired yet? Me too. But does the US truly have more problems now than other times in its history, or is this more an issue of perception? There are at least a dozen major cable outlets (CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC for starters),  that devote all of their programming to reporting news and weather. The networks compete with each other and hundreds of other channels for advertising dollars. To stand out, a station reports anything and everything "newsworthy". When I was a child, three networks had 30 minute news programs airing nightly. Big difference. It didn't mean bad things weren't happening, just that there was limited air time for any single news story. Heck, between 1917 and 1945, 520,000 American servicemen died in two World Wars. The Spanish Flu of 1918 killed 675,000 Americans, 21 million people worldwide. Clearly, bad things have always happened. But I still can't help but feel that all is not well across the land. Stay tuned, I guess. Pick a channel, any channel.

Lastly, and most importantly:

6. Is Batman a superhero or simply a crime fighter? He has no superpowers - strength, flight, vision, speed - but he certainly fights the bad guys as if he does. Does the utility belt make him super, or simply resourceful? What defines a superhero? Wearing a cape? That can't be it because Spider-Man and The Flash are definitely superheroes. The debate continues . . .

These  - and more - are the questions that occupy my time. Either I have too much time on my hands, or I'm asking myself the wrong questions. Or both.

Definitely both.