You Know You Have Too Much Money If . . .
Wealthy people get a bad rap. They shoulder an immense tax burden, are largely responsible for scientific and technological innovation and also drive the engines of business. Nonetheless, the vast majority of Americans who are not in the privileged 1% seem to hold our financial elite in perpetual disdain. Of course the irony of this scorn is that the other 99% secretly, desperately want to be 1%ers. How else can the popularity of lotteries be explained?
So what is the underlying basis for this thinly veiled contempt? My first thought - nothing more than a jealous reaction from the have-nots towards the haves. No - a simple answer to a layered question. The belief that the "club" is exclusive and by invitation-only? Again, I don't think so. I believe anyone with gumption, drive and perseverance can achieve some measure of wealth if that is their goal. So then what is it? Why the rancor? And then it hit me . . .
Rich people are the focus of occasional ridicule because of the silly ways they spend their hard-earned money. I'm not talking about luxury cars, extravagant vacations or enormous homes. I believe if a person has the means, they have no reason to apologize to anyone for how they get from A to B, where they travel to or what they live in. That's their business and they're entitled to it. Instead, I'm referring to doling out money for frivolous goods and services. Paying for such things doesn't advertise wealth, only silliness. They spend because they can. I categorize such spending as "You Know You have Too Much Money If . . ." For example:
1. Pet Waste Removal - Last week, while driving on the freeway, I was passed by a truck that was advertising its services. The writing stated that a pet waste removal "Pro" will come to my house and pick up pet waste from the yard - a/k/a poop, feces, crap. Pro? My first thought was, what is the process of making it to the "majors" in doo doo removal? Do you start with rat terriers and work your way to St. Bernard's? And is this service specifically targeting wealthier people? No, but the trailer court crowd probably does not receive their flyers (I'm allowed to say "trailer court crowd" - eight years of my childhood were lived in one).
2. A Car That Parallel Parks Itself - I realize and grudgingly accept that GPS devices have made map reading obsolete. But how can the auto industry add insult to injury by denying me the wicked pleasure of watching someone repeatedly and unsuccessfully attempt to parallel park their car? And I refuse to hand over to a machine my right to squeeze my vehicle into the tightest parking spot imaginable with little or no hope of extracating myself. Alas, some people are more than willing.
3. Laser Hair Removal - I think I've dipped my feet into murky waters with this one. I am not pointing fingers at people who have chosen a few select areas to target for laser hair removal. And am I the only person frightened by the image of a laser and certain parts of the human body? But it makes sense - why shave the same location every couple of days for the rest of your life (or at least the mate-attracting years)? Rather, I am referring to paying someone to remove every single strand of hair a person has - minus the head - with the guarantee that it will never grow back. Disclaimer alert: I am the hairiest person I know.
4. A Gold-Plated Toilet - I wish I were making this one up (see link). Such Midas-like commodes have actually been on the market for awhile but recent "innovations" have included a self-cleaning feature (finally!), a built-in mp3 player and complimentary currency-embossed toilet paper (no joke). And I've always wondered what to do with my extra $100 bills lying around. But on a practical and serious note, gold is the last precious metal I want any kind of waste - human or pet - to come into contact with. Am I the only one? Doubtful.
I'm only (half) kidding, of course. I admire wealthy people for the sheer weight of their accomplishments, as well as the risks and sacrifices they undoubtedly make to achieve them. They are the do-ers of the planet. So, who am I to say? Perhaps all that hard work entitles them to hire someone else to pick up their dog's crap while they drive - but not parallel park - their cars to the laser hair removal clinic so in the future they will not have to wipe any body hair off of their gold-plated toilet. I'm starting to see a method to the madness . . .
So what is the underlying basis for this thinly veiled contempt? My first thought - nothing more than a jealous reaction from the have-nots towards the haves. No - a simple answer to a layered question. The belief that the "club" is exclusive and by invitation-only? Again, I don't think so. I believe anyone with gumption, drive and perseverance can achieve some measure of wealth if that is their goal. So then what is it? Why the rancor? And then it hit me . . .
Rich people are the focus of occasional ridicule because of the silly ways they spend their hard-earned money. I'm not talking about luxury cars, extravagant vacations or enormous homes. I believe if a person has the means, they have no reason to apologize to anyone for how they get from A to B, where they travel to or what they live in. That's their business and they're entitled to it. Instead, I'm referring to doling out money for frivolous goods and services. Paying for such things doesn't advertise wealth, only silliness. They spend because they can. I categorize such spending as "You Know You have Too Much Money If . . ." For example:
1. Pet Waste Removal - Last week, while driving on the freeway, I was passed by a truck that was advertising its services. The writing stated that a pet waste removal "Pro" will come to my house and pick up pet waste from the yard - a/k/a poop, feces, crap. Pro? My first thought was, what is the process of making it to the "majors" in doo doo removal? Do you start with rat terriers and work your way to St. Bernard's? And is this service specifically targeting wealthier people? No, but the trailer court crowd probably does not receive their flyers (I'm allowed to say "trailer court crowd" - eight years of my childhood were lived in one).
2. A Car That Parallel Parks Itself - I realize and grudgingly accept that GPS devices have made map reading obsolete. But how can the auto industry add insult to injury by denying me the wicked pleasure of watching someone repeatedly and unsuccessfully attempt to parallel park their car? And I refuse to hand over to a machine my right to squeeze my vehicle into the tightest parking spot imaginable with little or no hope of extracating myself. Alas, some people are more than willing.
3. Laser Hair Removal - I think I've dipped my feet into murky waters with this one. I am not pointing fingers at people who have chosen a few select areas to target for laser hair removal. And am I the only person frightened by the image of a laser and certain parts of the human body? But it makes sense - why shave the same location every couple of days for the rest of your life (or at least the mate-attracting years)? Rather, I am referring to paying someone to remove every single strand of hair a person has - minus the head - with the guarantee that it will never grow back. Disclaimer alert: I am the hairiest person I know.
4. A Gold-Plated Toilet - I wish I were making this one up (see link). Such Midas-like commodes have actually been on the market for awhile but recent "innovations" have included a self-cleaning feature (finally!), a built-in mp3 player and complimentary currency-embossed toilet paper (no joke). And I've always wondered what to do with my extra $100 bills lying around. But on a practical and serious note, gold is the last precious metal I want any kind of waste - human or pet - to come into contact with. Am I the only one? Doubtful.
I'm only (half) kidding, of course. I admire wealthy people for the sheer weight of their accomplishments, as well as the risks and sacrifices they undoubtedly make to achieve them. They are the do-ers of the planet. So, who am I to say? Perhaps all that hard work entitles them to hire someone else to pick up their dog's crap while they drive - but not parallel park - their cars to the laser hair removal clinic so in the future they will not have to wipe any body hair off of their gold-plated toilet. I'm starting to see a method to the madness . . .
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