What's the Password?
When I was young my family lived next to an area of land my brother and I rightly dubbed, "The Woods." To the eyes of someone barely four feet tall, it was an imposing piece of land, full of towering pines, jutting rocks and crisscrossed with trails only he and I knew. One particular corner of our domain included a patch of acorn bushes we converted into a "fortress." Access into this Gibraltar came only by way of knowing the secret password.
The Secret Password. This phrase once implied exclusivity and excitement, even potential danger. Knowledge of the secret password meant you were included and could enjoy the privileges of membership. Those barred from inclusion pretended not to care, but we knew better. They were dying to gain access into our Acorn Kingdom.
Peeling back the layers of memory more than thirty-five years, I'm sure I never could have imagined then that I would be using secret passwords infinitely more as an adult than I ever would as a child. How could I have known? That world included live operators, the frequent use of something called "stamps" and the most powerful computer anyone owned was made by Texas Instruments.
Fast forward to the present and - at last count - I have more than thirty "kingdoms" which require a secret password in order to gain entrance. And even though they are all in my own "domain", I am treated like a suspicious stranger by every gatekeeper each time I "knock" on the door. Not to be outdone by my own "minions", I hatched a scheme to flank them at the gates. My solution? Employ a Universal Password.
But somehow, someway - I was outfoxed. My "kingdoms" conspired against me. Henceforth, passwords were to be case-sensitive and use devilish combinations of letters and numbers in dizzying arrays. In rapid-fire succession I was told my passwords must be: at least eight characters, or at least eight characters including a number, or at least eight characters - one being upper case, or at least eight characters - one being upper case with an additional number, or at least eight character with every third character being upper case with the remainder using the Helvetica font. "What the hell's Helvetica," I demanded to know. To make matters worse, my own once "loyal subjects" were accusing me of being weak, moderate or strong depending on the password I created. How dare they! "Lower the drawbridge," I commanded, "this is my castle!"
Sadly, I was overthrown by my own "people." I chose submission rather than carry on the fight. I had no more arrows to fire over the castles walls. Rather than launch boulders from my trebuchet, I simply used the Trebuchet font when the password requirements demanded it. I was defeated.
You would like to know the name of my first pet before you give me the password I so foolishly forgot? Absolutely - his name was Simon. That's not enough? Okay . . . yes, of course. Her maiden name was Baker. More? That's fine, no trouble at all . . . I was born in Austin, Minnesota. Please, no more! I'm begging you . . . yes, yes . . . it's Thomas (sobbing). My middle name is Thomas!
Where I was once the master of my "kingdoms", I am now chained. They have bent me to their will. I meekly accept their terms of surrender. I will give the password in any manner they choose. And gratefully, with eyes cast downward. Just let me in. Please, for the love of God, just let me in!
Oh, to be a small child again. To be master of the Acorn Kingdom and the secret password that was no more difficult than repeating after me . . . "girls have cooties."
Enjoy this moment in PASSWORD history (click to watch link).
The Secret Password. This phrase once implied exclusivity and excitement, even potential danger. Knowledge of the secret password meant you were included and could enjoy the privileges of membership. Those barred from inclusion pretended not to care, but we knew better. They were dying to gain access into our Acorn Kingdom.
Peeling back the layers of memory more than thirty-five years, I'm sure I never could have imagined then that I would be using secret passwords infinitely more as an adult than I ever would as a child. How could I have known? That world included live operators, the frequent use of something called "stamps" and the most powerful computer anyone owned was made by Texas Instruments.
Fast forward to the present and - at last count - I have more than thirty "kingdoms" which require a secret password in order to gain entrance. And even though they are all in my own "domain", I am treated like a suspicious stranger by every gatekeeper each time I "knock" on the door. Not to be outdone by my own "minions", I hatched a scheme to flank them at the gates. My solution? Employ a Universal Password.
But somehow, someway - I was outfoxed. My "kingdoms" conspired against me. Henceforth, passwords were to be case-sensitive and use devilish combinations of letters and numbers in dizzying arrays. In rapid-fire succession I was told my passwords must be: at least eight characters, or at least eight characters including a number, or at least eight characters - one being upper case, or at least eight characters - one being upper case with an additional number, or at least eight character with every third character being upper case with the remainder using the Helvetica font. "What the hell's Helvetica," I demanded to know. To make matters worse, my own once "loyal subjects" were accusing me of being weak, moderate or strong depending on the password I created. How dare they! "Lower the drawbridge," I commanded, "this is my castle!"
Sadly, I was overthrown by my own "people." I chose submission rather than carry on the fight. I had no more arrows to fire over the castles walls. Rather than launch boulders from my trebuchet, I simply used the Trebuchet font when the password requirements demanded it. I was defeated.
You would like to know the name of my first pet before you give me the password I so foolishly forgot? Absolutely - his name was Simon. That's not enough? Okay . . . yes, of course. Her maiden name was Baker. More? That's fine, no trouble at all . . . I was born in Austin, Minnesota. Please, no more! I'm begging you . . . yes, yes . . . it's Thomas (sobbing). My middle name is Thomas!
Where I was once the master of my "kingdoms", I am now chained. They have bent me to their will. I meekly accept their terms of surrender. I will give the password in any manner they choose. And gratefully, with eyes cast downward. Just let me in. Please, for the love of God, just let me in!
Oh, to be a small child again. To be master of the Acorn Kingdom and the secret password that was no more difficult than repeating after me . . . "girls have cooties."
Enjoy this moment in PASSWORD history (click to watch link).
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