Setting a Child Free

Two summers ago, my children and I took a scenic vacation to South Dakota. In six short days we saw just about everything the Black Hills had to offer - four dead Presidents, one Indian chief, Lands that were Bad, Drugs on the Wall, a Cave of Jewels, a Country of Bears and Ice Age woolly mammoths just for good measure. A memorable experience so full of eye candy that many images are still fixed clearly in my mind - an idyllic road trip.

This summer's vacation is completely different - and has a dual purpose.

In mid-August we will be in the Windy City - Chicago. Cubs tickets and transit passes have been purchased. A short list of "places to see and things to do" has been roughed out. We are going to engross ourselves in the urban experience, which will mean no driving allowed - public transportation only for five days. The only thing we will leave unpacked is our comfort zone. That will be left behind, back in the Twin Cities. The primary reason for this immersive trip is to give my son a taste of "big city" living. Chicago (gulp) is where he is considering continuing is education.

Yes, the unthinkable has almost arrived - college.

Actually, I am excited for my son to start this new chapter in his life. He reminds me of a thoroughbred in the starting gate. The bell hasn't rung yet but he is bucking and thrashing, desperate to break out of the paddock. He is unsure what will be around the first turn but his eyes are fixed ahead. He is untested and will stumble, but is determined to charge forward.

So, before the gate opens for real after my son's senior year, we are going to take a practice lap around Chicago to visit a few local universities. And although I will eventually let go of the reins and let him run free (what choice do I have?), a large part of me wants to grip tighter, protecting him from the whipping crops and the occasional bumps (accidental and on purpose) that occur down the backstretch of young adulthood. 

But what good would that do?

None, of course. Holding on tighter would only be selfish, a desire to prolong something (childhood) that has run its course. Every journey has a beginning and an ending, and then a new beginning. This is no different.

Now that some adult responsibilities are nearly upon my first-born, I'm discovering what all parents have experienced. Letting go and setting our children free is much more difficult for us. Yes, young adults are scared and uncertain, knowing vaguely that "life", with its joys and struggles, awaits. Yet they welcome them, as a colt welcomes its first ungainly steps of new life. Neither realizes that even harder steps lie ahead. But we do, which makes the "setting free" harder still. The best we can do is to lend a helping hand when they do stumble - which they will.  I guess who better to guide them than someone who knows what it's like to fall, right?

My favorite author is Theodor Geisel  - Dr. Seuss. All of his stories were insightful and usually contained a plain, but universal message. The last book he ever published might have been his best - Oh, The Places You'll Go! - a simple story of life's joys and challenges, written by a man who was never a parent but completely understood children:

. . . And when you're alone there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on . . .

But . . .

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.

Almost time to set free . . .