The Cheap Seats

I'm feeling nostalgic for the former Soviet Union. I miss their naked aggression, the May Day parades, the inter-continental ballistic missiles, the old hammer and sickle, even Leonid Brezhnev's eyebrows. They were an obvious enemy for a different time. Communism vs. capitalism, despotism vs. democracy, Rocky & Bullwinkle vs. Boris and Natasha. And although the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union never truly heated up, there have been - ironically - plenty of casualties since the USSR's fall in the early 1990's: 1. Containing Communism - The Truman Doctrine - checking communist aggression wherever we found it - gave the US State Department strategic clarity after World War II. The policy garnered mix results (see China, Cuba, Vietnam, South Korea, West Berlin), but it had a good vs. evil symmetry American voters could fear and rally behind. Sadly, American foreign polic...

Memory is an odd thing. Why some of the most trivial slices of life are easily recalled is an enduring mystery. Is their lingering presence secretly important or simply background noise filling the spaces between the searing and striking moments that ultimately matter most? For example, I clearly remember two instances from early childhood when I was consciously profane; one non-verbal, the other loud and clear. The first occurred on a harsh winter day - back when snowfall and low temps were an invitation to go outside, not vice versa. I was six or seven years old. After tossing a hard-edged neighbor girl from a snow bank, she aimed a middle finger in my direction. Not yet aware of the meaning, I was unfazed. She educated me.   Huh, news to me. Really? No  way.  Still, I was doubtful, though her explanation didn't sound like good news. So I put this revelation to the test. The proving ground...

In life, there are two kinds of quizzes. The first is dreaded - the quiz people more often than not find themselves unprepared for - silent curses directed at the quiz-giver, usually a middle school teacher. Meh. Those teachers are thick-skinned and aren't affected by anyone's hateful stare, least of all an awkward, oily teen. The other kind of quiz is far more fun. Nothing is on the line - no wrong answers. These are the surveys that purport to reveal something about the quiz-taker that was previously unknown (as if). The website Buzzfeed  (click here ) is the current queen of quizzes. With an easy share link to Facebook, people have posted their answers to quizzes ranging from What State Do you Actually Belong In (New York), What Dinosaur Are You (the steadfast Triceratops), Which David Bowie Are You (Space Oddity),  What Kind of Girl Scout Cookie Are You (thin mint - duh), and  Whi...

I don't sleep straight through the night anymore - probably going on five years now. Two things are to blame and both are highly irritating. The first answers to the name " Stelllllla !" and has been with me since the fall of 2010. This feline's circadian rhythms are locked into an early morning wakeup and feeding (click here for a summary of this darn cat ). Regardless of how late her previous evening's meal was, I can always expect a tap on the shoulder a few hours before my alarm is schedule to buzz. The second is the sad result of aging. Yes, I'm referring to the lovely little prostate. This golf ball sized bugger (formerly walnut-sized) presses on the middle-aged male bladder and causes two things: frequent urination and low water pressure. For instance - a guy my age will hit the public bathroom immediately after walking out of a theatre thrilled he actually made it straight through to the closing credits. As we stand at...