The Cheap Seats

You've Come a Long Way, Baby. This iconic advertising slogan, for a cigarette of all things, marketed specifically for women beginning in 1968, is both complimentary and condescending. Deftly crafted at the dawn of the Women's Movement for the tobacco giant Phillip Morris, Virginia Slims capitalized successfully on "women's freedom, emancipation, and empowerment." But just enough of the status quo was retained ("Baby") to remind women who was still on top. An ad campaign worthy of Mad Men 's Don Draper. Now, 45 years later, the slogan seems as archaic as the term "horseless carriage." After all, the revolution women have been waging for suffrage, economic freedom, pay equity, professional fulfillment, equal opportunity under the law and control over their bodies began long before the "Women's Movement" supposedly gained steam in the late 1960's. In truth, the modern Women's Movement in the United States...

My teenage daughter lost her cell phone last December. A minor catastrophe. She had been well connected to her "people" through that magical device. A 48-hour backtrace yielded nothing. School lockers, dance studios, bedrooms, backpacks - nada, zip. But in her loss she also saw an opportunity.   You see, my daughter's lost cell phone had been dumb, not smart (one possible reason it had gone missing). It allowed her to talk and text, nothing more. Time for an upgrade, she thought, rubbing her hands schemingly. Data plan, GPS, voice recognition and apps, apps, apps - in short, an iPhone 5 .   Long story short, the iPhone 5 (or any other smart phone) never materialized and my daughter took the disappointing news, well . . . . poorly (" but all my friends have iPhones !"). Don't get me wrong, she is a grateful, generous and thoughtful teenage girl, but a teenage girl nonetheless.   This series of unfortunate events got m...

The best way to get the attention of the average homo sapien is to wrap something up in a pretty package. In other words, employ good advertising. All of the major holidays have been in on this trick for decades.                Christmas - greens and reds, Santas and trees                Thanksgiving - browns and oranges, turkeys and stuffing                Halloween - blacks and oranges, tricks and treats                Easter - pastels and lilies, bunnies and eggs                St. Patrick's Day - green beer and even greener vomit Advertisers are brilliant. They have been wise to our love of symbolis...

Twas the day of the Super Bowl, when all through the place, Everyone was scurrying, at a crazy nuts pace! All the banners were hung in the TV room just right, Each one the perfect color, each one the precise height.   Extra chairs were brought in by the children quite warily, After orders from Dad (still sober), but just barely. He had started rather early - and by kickoff, who knows? If history is any judge . . .well . . . anything goes. But for now he is composed and under control, And hasn't pissed off Mom (talk about digging a hole!). She is in the kitchen cooking, which to her is just fine, Immersed in sauces and wings, and a box of red wine. But the stain on the breast of her new 49ers gear, Has got her fit to be tied, and a pain in his rear. "I told you to change after you were all done a slavin'," Yelled Dad, who fancied himself a Baltimore Raven. A long day ahead," thought sister and brot...